Relationship with a Narcissist
Everybody is a bit selfish, especially in romantic relationships, but relationship with a narcissist can be frustrating because narcissistic abuse is an extreme emotional abuse that includes verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, humiliation, and, sometimes, it can get physical, too.
It is a hazardous personality disorder, a person who is in love with his ego. They do not empathize. They do not understand the feelings, pain, and anger of another person. He is the master, and the rest are slaves because everyone exists to satisfy his needs in his universe. Talking and explaining something to a narcissist is like looking into a mirror, and nothing is looking back at you.
“Narcissists are emotionally manipulative and can twist everything you say to make you feel or look bad.”
There are varying degrees of narcissism, and there are also people who can be clueless and selfish but not necessarily burdened with a narcissistic personality disorder. If someone in your life does not share your values and does not care for your feelings, this is not healthy. As soon as we try changing other people, it is time to pull them away. You may lose a lot by leaving but can achieve the most significant gain: the power to look after yourself and create a happy and healthy life.
They say awful things then deny that they said it. They use guilt trips to control people. They focus their attention only on their unhappiness and never acknowledge other people’s pain. They are experts at using passive-aggressive behaviors to hurt you and intimidate you with aggression or anger. They seek out sensitive and insecure people who have no idea of the kind of people they are dealing with and take advantage of their innocence.
They always bring out the worst in you. The circular arguments with such a person make your head spin because they go round and round on unrelated tangents, which does not make any sense.
Narcissists are self-centered. Let’s say a married man is a narcissist. If his wife stops him from doing anything, then his behavior might be even more destructive than just ignoring her. He might also get offensive and can criticize her for being too emotional.
You start to have a conversation about something, and you do not expect this person to blow up, but he does, and you cannot comprehend that. You do not feel like you are having a conversation with a rational person. Something just sets him off, and he starts to shout. And you are like, “What just happened here…” You ask yourself, “Did I say something that terrible?”
Gas-lighting is when somebody denies your reality. For example, you might say something like, “I feel so bad that you used those harsh words for me yesterday,” and in return, they say you have no right to say or feel that, or they completely deny that they said it. If you are in a relationship with someone who is gas-lighting you and you started to feel the need to voice record your conversation with them to prove that you are not wrong or that they did say that, it may be time you fight your fears.
The overt narcissists love to remind you of your mistakes directly without any shame. They will do it in front of an audience because they want the audience to get involved in ganging up against you and shame you. The overt narcissist devalues you with explicit verbal abuse. They will use shaming tactics by calling you weak, oversensitive, worthless; they would not hesitate to tell you that nobody wants you.
Covert narcissists are the most dangerous type because they look very sophisticated and decent, and they will destroy you with very indirect and unclear underhanded methods. A covert narcissist will use false humility to look very different on the surface than the overt type who is overtly arrogant.
The covert narcissist seems very lovely and genuine, doing all kinds of charity, giving things to you when you meet them, so no one knows what this person is. They are incredible at playing the victim. They are not ashamed of calling themselves a victim and using that pity ploy to victimize you. In personal life and at home, they are like monsters; however, when they are in public, they behave like angels, so nice to their partners that nobody could see the evil in them. They are very hidden in front of other people, but the family, the spouse, and children suffer the most with the covert narcissist.
You might not have a happy and healthy life with a narcissist because they will always make you feel bad. It is harmful to continue a relationship with a narcissist because the change in their behavior is highly unlikely. However, if you live with a narcissist, a family member, parent, sibling, or spouse, you have to change how you feel and respond.
First of all, create a healthy distance, not to hurt them but to protect your mental peace. Remember, whatever negative things a narcissist says about you, stop taking it personally because it has nothing to do with you. Their manipulative behavior will feel personal, which means something is very unhealthy within them, not because there is something dreadful about you.
Narcissism always gets you insecure feelings. If you feel worse about yourself when you are with this person, you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and there is a chance you are dealing with emotional abuse, and you need to start distancing yourself from that person.